Facebook Grievances

I know this will be difficult for some of you to grasp, but Facebook is getting on my nerves. And now, may I present to you, my list of grievances.

I. Status Updates

• I don't care how much you have to study or how hard or boring your class is. Guess what, we've all been (or are currently) there doing the college thing. It's not going to change. Suck it up and deal with it, and please, quit taking up space on my home page with it.
• Can we keep the bible verses to a minimum? I really don't want to have to sort through the book of John on my homepage to find out what's actually going on in the world of my friends. I understand that, here and there, a poignant scripture serves a purpose. But, all things in moderation people. 
• Speaking of the bible, quit preaching through your statuses. I guarantee you that they're about as effective as the man in the abandoned supermarket parking lot standing on a truck bed yelling through a megaphone. It's annoying, so we're ignoring it. It is quite acceptable to impart a wisdom or truth every now and then, but I don't need to read the entire sermon that you heard on Sunday. Just hit the main idea. Brevity, people. It's affective. (I know, I'm one to talk, huh?)
• I also do not care what the weather is like where you are. Why is it that the weather is an accepted conversation topic anytime, anywhere with anyone? Who cares? No one! So quit status updating about it.
• This is not Twitter and you aren't limited to 140 characters. Therefore, there is no excuse for not using appropriate grammar and complete sentences.
• We don't care that you're going to sleep. That's equivalent to you telling us that you're breathing or  using the restroom. It's unimportant, insignificant, and boring. We want creative statuses that evoke emotion, or least provide us with significant or useful information. 

II. Games

• Mafia Wars, Farmtown, Farmville, etc. I don't really care what it is. Quit sending me requests! (And for the love of all that's good in this world, find a hobby that actually forces you to use brain cells.)

III. Quizzes

• Quit taking them. They're so stupid. Bored people create these jaded quizzes with uncharacteristic options to elicit a specific result that's supposed to make you feel better about your life. But, if you find that you must, skip the publishing part so I don't have to read about what you're going to be when you grow up on my homepage. 

IV. Like

• Why is it that just because I "like" someone's status that every time someone comments on it from then on I get a notification about it? Just because I like it does not mean I want to read everyone else's back and forth on it. The whole purpose of the "like" button is to clue someone in that you're paying attention without having to actually comment on it or commit to it.
• Why isn't there an "unlike" button? I mean, plenty of times I see something and I think, what's to like about that? And I want to be open about my dislike for it. Zuckerberg, have someone get on this. It doesn't have to be as severe as "F-U" or the bird, but it could be used to mean something like, "I don't like the fact that you're sick" or "I hate that you're stranded in the airport, too."

V. Photos

• Quit posting albums of ugly dogs on Facebook. They're like babies: not all of them are cute. If you're that obsessed with your unattractive animal, please, spare the rest of us and use a scrapbook that will not leave your coffee table. 
• There is no need for your profile picture to be of you making out with your significant other. We know you do that, but that doesn't mean we want to see it on your profile page (or more importantly, my homepage.) So, let's get a classy pic up there and save the ones of you in the midst of a drunken make out session to be discovered one day when someone is bored and wants to stalk you.

That is all. For now.