Southern Women and Career Aspirations, or Lack Thereof

In 60 days, I will have completed my four-year degree. Not surprisingly, the post-grad career planning has begun. Updating online profiles, getting in touch with contacts, networking, requesting reference letters and applying for jobs have become the things I do in the small amount of time that I am not currently contributing to school and work. It's simultaneously exciting and exhausting, but the energy from the forward thinking has taken effect, and I am eager to take life head on. So despite the fact that I am falling into bed at midnight and getting up at 4 am to start the day, I couldn't be happier. After leaving the office at 7 pm last Friday, I met two close friends for dinner. Intelligent, beautiful, and former ballerinas, one is graduating with a marketing degree, the other graduated over a year ago with a degree in Political Science and resume that includes Summa Cum Laude recognition and fluency in Spanish. Six months ago, this same scene would have been comical, an enjoyable time spent with friends talking about our expensive taste in clothing and ordering dessert because we're young and single, and because we can. But on this night, it seemed like a different group of girls. The changes that occur naturally at this stage in life seemed to have taken effect. As I discussed my plans for the future, I realized that I was somehow on a very different page than these girls, if I was even in the book at all. As I spoke, I felt both frustrated and uncomfortable with the two people, once among my closest confidantes, who conveyed little in the way of feedback other than blank stares, snide remarks, and subject changes. Espana is recently engaged and planning a spring wedding to the guy she had dated for four months at the time of the proposal. She just gave up going to London to get a graduate degree in international public policy. Marketing is still very single and graduating with no plans to return to school, and at present, without a job search approach. I am absent a significant other by choice and enjoying the dating scene when I am not doing school, work, career planning and running. These aren't the only people I'm watching put the "leave and cleave" idea into action. Another one of my best friends is recently engaged to her first serious boyfriend. Then there are the friends that are already married. When I hear these girls discussing wedding plans, buying furniture for their living rooms, and the timeline for child one, two and three, I cringe. My recoil is not the result of jealousy or depression; but rather at the thought that it could be me. So many factors have come together to push me toward planned independence. My own mother forewent college and stifled creative talents to spend the better part of 25 years as a devoted housewife and mother of three. For my friends in marriages, the complaints, struggles, and questions of "what if?" are endless. I've had several significantly older boyfriends who have made something of themselves and encouraged me to do the same. But I also had the boyfriends who were ready to put a ring on it after two months. When I run into them now with their wives and babies, our parting is accompanied with me sighing with relief and thanking the powers that be that I'm not the other girl. Of course, a popular southern FAQ is, "Who are you dating?" or, "Are you engaged yet?" I always smile graciously while politely explaining that I'm pursuing other aspirations until the time is right. Per Southern culture, it's customary to get unwanted feedback with such intrusive questions. These remarks usually include, "Oh, honey, you'd make such a great wife!" Or, "Why do you want to go to a big city? You'll never make it on your own". It's this last one that is probably the most motivating. I always want to flash them my surreptitious smile and request that they tell me again that I need a man because I'll never make it on my own. What so many of these people fail to grasp is that there are things that I need to do for me. Things like becoming financially stable, gaining respect through a career, earning a graduate degree, and moving to a new place for new experiences. It is not that I have a chip on my shoulder regarding the male species or the institution of marriage. I think both are wonderful to acquire in due time. But at that time, I want to be a complete person. I want to be able to look back at my single years knowing that I accomplished everything that I, Kristina Erin Barton, wanted to accomplish as an individual, not because my name was Mrs. Someone Else. At my age, I hardly consider myself matured. Looking back at the last few years, I know that the person I am today hardly resembles the person I was two years ago. Knowing that this change will remain at a steady constant over at least the next ten years, I question the wisdom in choosing a life partner at this age. I know so many smart, amazing girls with great potential. But something happens around their senior year of college, and all of the sudden the resume of experience they've been building becomes the laundry list of qualifications for marriage. Seeing the potential that many friends have to seize opportunities that our mothers would have killed for, I'm a little disappointed that careers have scarcely been considered. With the possibilities these young women have to impact the world around them, I have to ask: what's the rush on furnishing the living room?